Supporting a Victim of Domestic Violence

Developed by: Kansas Coalition Against Sexual and Domestic Violence

What is domestic violence?

Domestic violence (battering) is a pattern of abusive and coercive behavior used to gain dominance, power, and control over an intimate partner. It includes the use of illegal and legal behaviors and tactics that undermine the victim’s sense of self, free will, and safety. Battering behavior can impact other family members and can be used in other family relationships.

Domestic violence crosses all class, race, lifestyle, and religious lines. The only clear distinction is gender. According to the National Institute of Justice, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and the Bureau of Justice Statistics, women are at significantly greater risk of domestic violence than men. However, anyone can be a victim of domestic violence. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15-44 years. Approximately 1 in 4 women in the U.S. have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner at some point in their lifetime. Many academic leaders have identified domestic violence as a major criminal justice, health care, and social issue.

Is someone you know a victim?

Do you suspect that a someone you know is being emotionally or physically abused? If you can answer yes to some of the following questions, it is likely that you are right.

  • Do you see or hear about repeated bruises, broken bones or other injuries? Does she say they are the results of "falls" or "accidents"?
  • Does her partner criticize her in front of you, or make “joking” remarks that belittle her?
  • Is her partner overly jealous, “attentive” or demanding of her time?
  • When you leave a message for her with her partner, does she get the message?
  • Are you ever afraid of her partner?
  • Does she refer to his bad moods, anger, temper or short fuse?
  • Does he ignore the children or abuse them emotionally, physically or sexually?
  • Has her partner made any suicidal or homicidal threats or attempts?
  • Is her partner accusing her of having affairs with other people?
  • Does her partner try to control her every move? Must she account for her time?
  • Does she speak of her partner as though he is far more important than she is?
  • Is she often late or absent from work, or has she quit her job altogether?
  • Does she break appointments at the last minute or fail to show up?

What do you say?

The hardest part about talking to a friend or family member who is a victim of domestic violence is getting started. You can help a victim by keeping their story confidential. While you might feel that it would be helpful to tell others about the situation, telling others can in fact put her and her children in serious danger. Additionally, while you may want to tell her to leave, leaving is often the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. Contact your local domestic violence program for additional information on safety planning.

When she tells her story, listen attentively. Don’t blame her for the abuse. Don’t interrupt. Don’t let your facial expression or body language convey doubt or judgment of what she is saying. Your support and belief in her may be critical in her safety and healing.

Remember: If she refuses to talk to you, she has her reasons. Express your concern for her anyway. Tell her that emotional, physical, and sexual abuse are wrong and that she deserves to be safe. Assure her that you will be ready to talk or help, if she asks.

How to start the conversation

Seek out a private, quiet place to begin talking. Allow plenty of time to talk. You may be the first person that she has told about the abuse. Any of the following questions might help get the conversation started.

  • You seem so unhappy. Do you want to talk about it? I’d like to listen and I’ll keep it between us.
  • I couldn’t help but hear your argument last night, and I was worried about you. Are you okay? Were you hurt?
  • What is it like at home for you?
  • What happens when you or your partner disagree or argue?
  • How does your partner handle things when he doesn’t get his way?
  • Are you ever scared of your partner? Does he threaten you?
  • Does your partner ever follow you? Do you have to account to him for your time?
  • Does your partner ever prevent you from doing things you want to do?
  • Is your partner jealous, hard to please, irritable, demanding, or critical?
  • Does your partner ever push you around or hit you?
  • Does your partner ever put you down, call you names, yell at you, or punish you in any way?
  • Does your partner ever make you have sex? Does he ever make you do sexual things that you don’t like?

What do you do next?

Support

  • Believe her.
  • Acknowledge the courage she showed in talking to you. She has taken a risk in confiding in you.
  • Let her know that you consider her feelings of fear, confusion, anger, sadness, guilt, numbness, helplessness or hopelessness are reasonable and normal.
  • Avoid treating her like a child or helpless victim.
  • Respect her pace and be patient.
  • Support the decisions she makes for herself.
  • Help her make plans, but let her make the decisions.

Educate

  • Educate yourself about the dynamics of domestic violence. Call your local domestic violence program for information about services available and basic information about domestic violence.
  • Explain that domestic violence is a crime and that she can seek protection from the criminal justice system.
  • Explain that she and her children have a right to safety and happiness.
  • Make sure she knows that she is not alone, that millions of Americans from every ethnic, racial and socioeconomic group suffer from abuse, and that many women find it difficult to leave.
  • Emphasize that when she is ready, she can make a choice to leave the relationship and that there is help available.
  • Provide her with information about local resources: the phone number of the local domestic violence hotline, support groups, counseling, shelter programs, and legal advocacy.

Act

  • If she wants to go to an agency or domestic violence program, volunteer to go with her.
  • If she is in immediate danger, call the police.
  • If you see or hear an assault in progress, call the police. These assaults are often dangerous to outsiders; do not intervene yourself.
  • She may need financial assistance, help finding a place to live, a place to store her belongings, or help in caring for pets. She may need assistance to escape. Decide if you feel comfortable helping her out in these ways.
  • If she remains in the relationship, continue to be her friend while at the same time firmly communicating to her that she and her children do not deserve to be treated abusively.
  • With her permission, enlist other friends, family or co-workers to help with child care or go along to court.

For support, contact:

The sexual and domestic violence program nearest you, (from "Kansas Sexual and Domestic Violence Programs and Crisis Numbers by City" or "Kansas Sexual and Domestic Violence Program Map and List" below) or call:

Kansas Crisis Hotline
1-888-END-ABUSE

(1-888-363-2287)

National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE

(1-800-799-7233)


Safety Planning

Safety planning helps develop tools in advance of potentially dangerous situations.


Supporting a Victim of Domestic Violence

Learn how you can support a victim of domestic violence.


Kansas Sexual and Domestic Violence Programs and Crisis Numbers by City

City: Dodge City
Program Name: Crisis Center of Dodge City
Counties Served: Clark, Ford, Gray, Hodgeman, Meade
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: http://dodgecitycrisiscenter.com
Crisis Hotline Number: 620-225-6510 or 1-866-270-2270

City: El Dorado
Program Name: Family Life Center Safe House
Counties Served: Butler
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: https://sites.google.com/site/flcsafehouse/
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-870-6967 or 316-321-7104

City: Emporia
Program Name: SOS, Inc.
Counties Served: Chase, Coffey, Greenwood, Lyon, Morris, Osage
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: http://soskansas.com/
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-825-1295 or 620-342-1870

City: Garden City
Program Name: Family Crisis Services
Counties Served: Finney, Greeley, Hamilton, Kearny, Lane, Scott, Wichita
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: http://www.familycrisisservices.org/
Crisis Hotline Number: 620-275-5911

City: Great Bend
Program Name: Family Crisis Center, Inc.
Counties Served: Barber, Barton, Comanche, Edwards, Kiowa, Ness, Pawnee, Pratt, Rush, Stafford
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: http://www.familycrisiscntr.org/
Crisis Hotline Number: 866-792-1885 or 620-792-1885

City: Hays
Program Name: Options: Domestic and Sexual Violence Services, Inc.
Counties Served: Cheyenne, Decatur, Ellis, Gove, Graham, Logan, Norton, Osborne, Phillips, Rawlins, Rooks, Russell, Sheridan, Sherman, Smith, Thomas, Trego, Wallace
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: http://www.help4abuse.org/
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-794-4624 or 785-625-3055

City: Hutchinson
Program Name: Sexual Assault/Domestic Violence Center
Counties Served: Harper, Kingman, Reno, Rice
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: http://www.sadvchutch.org/
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-701-3630 or 620-663-2522

City: Iola
Program Name: Hope Unlimited
Counties Served: Allen, Anderson, Neosho, Woodson
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: http://www.hope-unlimited.org/index.html
Crisis Hotline Number: 620-365-7566

City: Kansas City
Program Name: Friends of Yates - Della Gill/Joyce H. Williams Center
Counties Served: Wyandotte
Services: Domestic Violence
Website: http://www.friendsofyates.org/
Crisis Hotline Number: 913-321-0951

City: Kansas City
Program Name: SAFEHOME
Counties Served: Johnson, Miami
Services: Domestic Violence
Website: http://www.safehome-ks.org/
Crisis Hotline Number: 888-432-4300 or 913-262-2868

City: Kansas City
Program Name: MOCSA
Counties Served: Johnson, Miami, Wyandotte
Services: Sexual Assault
Website: http://mocsa.org/
Crisis Hotline Number: 913-642-0233 or 816-531-0233

City: Kansas City
Program Name: Mattie Rhodes Center ¡Si Se Puede!
Counties Served: Johnson, Wyandotte
Services: Domestic Violence- therapy, service coordination, legal advocacy, staff speak Spanish
Website: http://www.mattierhodes.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 816-241-3780 (not a crisis line)

City: Kansas City
Program Name: Kansas City Anti-Violence Project (LGBT services)
Counties Served: Johnson, Miami, Wyandotte
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: http://www.kcavp.org/
Crisis Hotline Number: 816-561-0550

City: Lawrence
Program Name: The Sexual Trauma and Abuse Care Center
Counties Served: Douglas, Franklin, Jefferson
Services: Sexual Assault
Website: http://stacarecenter.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 785-843-8985

City: Lawrence
Program Name: The Willow Domestic Violence Center
Counties Served: Douglas, Franklin, Jefferson
Services: Domestic Violence
Website: http://www.willowdvcenter.org/
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-770-3030 or 785-843-3333

City: Leavenworth
Program Name: Alliance Against Family Violence
Counties Served: Leavenworth
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: http://www.aafv.net/
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-644-1441 or 913-682-9131

City: Liberal
Program Name: LARC/DVS, Inc.
Counties Served: Grant, Haskell, Morton, Seward, Stanton, Stevens
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: http://www.larcdvs.org/
Crisis Hotline Number: 888-417-7273 or 620-624-8818

City: Manhattan
Program Name:The Crisis Center, Inc.
Counties Served: Clay, Geary, Marshall, Pottawatomie, Riley
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: http://www.thecrisiscenterinc.org/
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-727-2785 or 785-539-2785

City: Mayetta
Program Name: Prairie Band Potawatomi Nation - Tribal Victims Services Program
Counties Served: Tribal Members of the Prairie Band Potawatomi Tribe
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: http://www.pbpindiantribe.com/social-services.aspx
Crisis Hotline Number: 866-966-0173 or 785-966-8330

City: Newton
Program Name: Safehope, Inc.
Counties Served: Harvey, Marion, McPherson
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: http://www.safehope.net//
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-487-0510 or 316-803-1800

City: Pittsburg
Program Name: Safehouse Crisis Center, Inc.
Counties Served: Bourbon, Cherokee, Crawford, Labette, Linn, Montgomery, Wilson
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: http://www.safehousecrisiscenter.org/
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-794-9148 or 620-231-8251

City: Salina
Program Name:Domestic Violence Assoc. of Central Kansas
Counties Served: Cloud, Dickinson, Ellsworth, Jewell, Lincoln, Mitchell, Ottawa, Republic, Saline, Washington
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: http://www.dvack.org/
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-874-1499 or 785-827-5862

City: Topeka
Program Name: YWCA Center for Safety and Empowerment
Counties Served: Jackson, Shawnee, Wabaunsee
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: http://www.ywcaneks.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 888-822-2983 or 785-354-7927

City: Wichita
Program Name: Catholic Charities Harbor House
Counties Served: Sedgwick
Services: Domestic Violence
Website: http://www.catholicdioceseofwichita.org/family-stabilization/harbor-house
Crisis Hotline Number: 866-899-5522 or 316-263-6000

City: Wichita
Program Name: StepStone
Counties Served: Sedgwick
Services: Domestic Violence
Website: http://www.stepstoneks.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 316-265-1611

City: Wichita
Program Name: Wichita Area Sexual Assault Center
Counties Served: Sedgwick
Services: Sexual Assault
Website: http://wichitasac.com
Crisis Hotline Number: 877-927-2248 or 316-263-3002 o español: 316-263-2044

City: Wichita
Program Name: Wichita Family Crisis Center
Counties Served: Sedgwick
Services: Domestic Violence
Website: http://www.wichitafamilycrisiscenter.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 316-267-7233


If you are in need of advocacy services and do not find your community listed, call the 24/7 Kansas Crisis Hotline at 1-888-363-2287.

Kansas Sexual and Domestic Violence Program Map and List

Programs are listed below the map, alphabetically by city. You do not have to live in the city where the program is located to use their services. If you are in need of advocacy services and do not find your community listed, call the 24/7 Kansas Crisis Hotline at 1-888-363-2287.


1. Crisis Center of Dodge City

City: Dodge City
Counties Served: Clark, Ford, Gray, Hodgeman, Meade
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: http://dodgecitycrisiscenter.com/
Crisis Hotline Number: 620-225-6510 or 1-866-270-2270

 

Back to map



2. Family Life Center Safe House

City: El Dorado
Counties Served: Butler
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: sites.google.com/site/flcsafehouse
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-870-6967 or 316-321-7104

 

Back to map



3. SOS, Inc.

City: Emporia
Counties Served: Chase, Coffey, Greenwood, Lyon, Morris, Osage
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: www.soskansas.com
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-825-1295 or 620-342-1870

 

Back to map



4. Family Crisis Services

City: Garden City
Counties Served: Finney, Greeley, Hamilton, Kearny, Lane, Scott, Wichita
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: www.familycrisisservices.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 620-275-5911

 

Back to map



5. Family Crisis Center, Inc.

City: Great Bend
Counties Served: Barber, Barton, Comanche, Edwards, Kiowa, Ness, Pawnee, Pratt, Rush, Stafford
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: www.familycrisiscntr.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 866-792-1885 or 620-792-1885

 

Back to map



6. Options: Domestic and Sexual Violence Services, Inc.

City: Hays
Counties Served: Cheyenne, Decatur, Ellis, Gove, Graham, Logan, Norton, Osborne, Phillips, Rawlins, Rooks, Russell, Sheridan, Sherman, Smith, Thomas, Trego, Wallace
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: www.help4abuse.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-794-4624 or 785-625-3055

 

Back to map



7. Sexual Assault/Domestic Violence Center

City: Hutchinson
Counties Served: Harper, Kingman, Reno, Rice
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: www.sadvchutch.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-701-3630 or 620-663-2522

 

Back to map



8. Hope Unlimited

City: Iola
Counties Served: Allen, Anderson, Neosho, Woodson
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: www.hope-unlimited.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 620-365-7566

 

Back to map



9. Friends of Yates - Della Gill/Joyce H. Williams Center

City: Kansas City
Counties Served: Wyandotte
Services: Domestic Violence
Website: www.friendsofyates.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 913-321-0951

 

Back to map



10. SAFEHOME

City: Kansas City
Counties Served: Johnson, Miami
Services: Domestic Violence
Website: www.safehome-ks.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 888-432-4300 or 913-262-2868

 

Back to map



11. MOCSA

City: Kansas City
Counties Served: Johnson, Miami, Wyandotte
Services: Sexual Assault
Website: www.mocsa.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 913-642-0233 or 816-531-0233

 

Back to map



12. Mattie Rhodes Center ¡Si Se Puede!

City: Kansas City
Counties Served: Johnson, Wyandotte
Services: Domestic Violence- therapy, service coordination, legal advocacy, staff speak Spanish
Website: http://www.mattierhodes.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 816-241-3780 (not a crisis line)

 

Back to map



13. Kansas City Anti-Violence Project (LGBT services)

City: Kansas City
Counties Served: Johnson, Miami, Wyandotte
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: www.kcavp.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 816-561-0550

 

Back to map



14. The Sexual Trauma and Abuse Care Center

City: Lawrence
Counties Served: Douglas, Franklin, Jefferson
Services: Sexual Assault
Website: http://stacarecenter.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 785-843-8985

 

Back to map



15. The Willow Domestic Violence Center

City: Lawrence
Counties Served: Douglas, Franklin, Jefferson
Services: Domestic Violence
Website: www.willowdvcenter.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-770-3030 or 785-843-3333

 

Back to map



16. Alliance Against Family Violence

City: Leavenworth
Counties Served: Leavenworth
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: www.aafv1984.com
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-644-1441 or 913-682-9131

 

Back to map



17. LARC/DVS, Inc.

City: Liberal
Counties Served: Grant, Haskell, Morton, Seward, Stanton, Stevens
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: www.larcdvs.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 888-417-7273 or 620-624-8818

 

Back to map



18. The Crisis Center, Inc.

City: Manhattan
Counties Served: Clay, Geary, Marshall, Pottawatomie, Riley
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: www.thecrisiscenterinc.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-727-2785 or 785-539-2785

 

Back to map



19. PBP Nation - Tribal Victims Services Program

City: Mayetta
Counties Served: Tribal Members of the Prairie Band Potawatomi Tribe
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: www.pbpindiantribe.com/social-services.aspx
Crisis Hotline Number: 866-966-0173 or 785-966-8330

 

Back to map



20. Safehope, Inc.

City: Newton
Counties Served: Harvey, Marion, McPherson
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-487-0510 or 316-283-0350

 

Back to map



21. Safehouse Crisis Center, Inc.

City: Pittsburg
Counties Served: Bourbon, Cherokee, Crawford, Labette, Linn, Montgomery, Wilson
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: www.safehousecrisiscenter.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-794-9148 or 620-231-8251

 

Back to map



22. Domestic Violence Assoc. of Central Kansas

City: Salina
Counties Served: Cloud, Dickinson, Ellsworth, Jewell, Lincoln, Mitchell, Ottawa, Republic, Saline, Washington
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: www.dvack.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 800-874-1499 or 785-827-5862

 

Back to map



23. YWCA Center for Safety and Empowerment

City: Topeka
Counties Served: Jackson, Shawnee, Wabaunsee
Services: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
Website: www.ywcatopeka.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 888-822-2983 or 785-354-7927

 

Back to map



24. Catholic Charities Harbor House

City: Wichita
Counties Served: Sedgwick
Services: Domestic Violence
Website: www.catholicdioceseofwichita.org/family-stabilization/harbor-house
Crisis Hotline Number: 866-899-5522 or 316-263-6000

 

Back to map



25. StepStone

City: Wichita
Counties Served: Sedgwick
Services: Domestic Violence
Website: www.stepstoneks.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 316-265-1611

 

Back to map



26. Wichita Area Sexual Assault Center

City: Wichita
Counties Served: Sedgwick
Services: Sexual Assault
Website: www.wichitasac.com
Crisis Hotline Number: 877-927-2248 or 316-263-3002 o español: 316-263-2044

 

Back to map



27. Wichita Family Crisis Center

City: Wichita
Counties Served: Sedgwick
Services: Domestic Violence
Website: wichitafamilycrisiscenter.org
Crisis Hotline Number: 316-267-7233

 

Back to map


 


No Accredited Services in this Area

If you are in need of advocacy services in Atchison, Brown, Nemaha, and Doniphan counties call the surrounding advocacy programs or the 24/7 Kansas Crisis Hotline at 1-888-363-2287

No Accredited Services in this Area

If you are in need of advocacy services in Cowley, Chautauqua, Elk, and Sumner counties, call the surrounding advocacy programs or the 24/7 Kansas Crisis Hotline at 1-888-363-2287.

 

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